The World’s Newest Nation

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Next Event: Sunday, January 25th 10AM – RSVP HERE

Dec
30

From Sand to Snow: The People’s Victory of December

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER December 20th, 2025   ANTARCTICA — December shall forever be recorded in the official textbooks of the People’s Republic of Slowjamastan as a month of historic inevitability, when destiny itself marched in lockstep

Dec
30

Behind the Porder Lines: The Slowjamastan Video Tour You Didn’t Know You Needed

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER December 30th, 2025     SLOWJAMASTAN — Been longing to visit The Republic of Slowjamastan, but you’re tragically held back by geography, finances, or—worse—your unwavering loyalty to Crocs? We understand. Not everyone is

Dec
04

The Sultan Infiltrates American Morning Newscast

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER December 4th, 2025   SAN DIEGO — In a dazzling display of espionage brilliance, The Sultan of Slowjamastan pulled off his most audacious coup yet: infiltrating The American Media™ itself. Disguised as mild-mannered “Earl

Dec
01

Outrage over Crocs at the Border – Official Statement from the Ministry of Misunderstandings

  Citizens, Loyal Subjects, and Concerned Anti-Croc Patriots, Yesterday, some of you may have witnessed disturbing border security footage in which The Sultan appeared to allow a young child to enter Slowjamastan while wearing Crocs. Your outrage was justified. In

Nov
23

From Handcuffs to Parliament: Frank Sloup Joins Slowjamastan Government

  A Tale of Forgiveness, Grammar, and Questionable Hiring Practices BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER November 22nd, 2025   SLOWJAMASTAN — In a stunning turn of international diplomacy—and possibly Stockholm Syndrome—Deputy Frank Sloup, the Arizona lawman who once detained The

Oct
24

NEW DIPLOMAT LICENSE PLATE: NOW YOU TOO CAN CONFUSE LAW ENFORCEMENT!

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER October 23rd, 2025   SLOWJAMASTAN — The Sultan’s latest initiative to spread Slowjamastani culture and mild chaos has officially hit the streets—sort of. The brand-new, official Slowjamastani-issued “DIPLOMAT” license plate is now available

Oct
24

SULTAN DETAINED IN ARIZONA

  DIPLOMATIC INCIDENT ROCKS SLOWJAMASTAN–AMERICA RELATIONS BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER October 23rd, 2025      PINAL COUNTY, AZ — What began as a peaceful diplomatic mission across North America turned into a full-blown international crisis Thursday afternoon

Sep
10

Max McNown Joins the Parliament of Slowjamastan After Historic Taco Summit with The Sultan

    BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER September 9th, 2025   SAN DIEGO — History was made this weekend inside the bustling Consulate of Slowjamastan, where singer-songwriter Max McNown traded guitar strings for government strings. The summit began the

Freedom

We believe in freedom for all citizens of Slowjamastan. You want pancakes for dinner? Do it. Fancy a pet aardvark? Do that, too. There’s not much you can’t do in Slowjamastan, however, please refer to our national laws and regulations. 

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Honor

Slowjamastanians are bound by honor. Our word is bond. Valour, chivalry, honesty, and compassion are all important values to us. We do the right thing, follow the golden rule, and don’t use speakerphone in public.

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Respect

We respect the land, the animals, our leader, each other. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Slowjamastan. A little respect. (Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me.) R-E-S-P-E-C-T. A little respect.

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Parliament

Joe Lindsay

Director of Land Management 

Matt Conde

Commander

Slowjamastan Security Forces

OPEN

95 Political appointee 
positions available

SLOWJAMASTAN CITIZENSHIP:

Now, you can have a piece of Slowjamastan for yourself.

We’re currently offering citizenship. Grab a passport in our shop. Even diplomatic and political appointments for qualified applicants are available. 

If you promise never to wear Crocs inside The Republic, listen to mumble rap, or drive in the passing lane while not passing – you’re our kinda citizen. Git’cher butt down here!

More Info