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Jan
12

Burglary and Vandalism Update: A Message from The Sultan

  BY THE SULTAN  l  SUPREME LEADER January 12th, 2025   My Word is Bond I promised I’d keep you updated on the awful burglary and vandalism that happened to us in December, so I’m here with an update. I

Jan
12

“This Aggression will not Stand!” Sultan, Citizens Demand Answers

    Slowjamastan Establishes “December 14th Commission” – A Nation Demands Answers BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER January 11th, 2025   Dublândia: – In a move of historic significance, His Excellency, The Sultan of Slowjamastan, has formed the December

Dec
31

UPDATE: SUSPECTS IDENTIFIED

  Suspects have been identified and located. We are currently working with authorities. Please GO HERE for the latest updates.     Parents, you have the power to create outstanding, kind citizens out of your children. You also have equal

Dec
22

Slowjamastan Declares War on Crocs, McDonald’s Caught in the Crossfire

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER December 21st , 2024   Dublândia — In a dramatic move that sent shockwaves through the fast food and footwear industries, The Republic of Slowjamastan announced today that it will impose immediate sanctions

Dec
09

Under Three Tons of Trash Collected in Foreign Aid Mission

    …Sultan of Slowjamastan Leads Elite Citizens in Heroic Quest to Save America from Itself BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER December 8th, 2024   San Diego County, CA: This weekend, fewer than 500 of the bravest Slowjamastani citizens

Nov
11

Newly Re-Elected Sultan Graces Historic Brawley Parade

    …Declares it ‘A Close Second to the Slowjamastan Royal Procession’ BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER November 10th, 2024   Brawley, CA: In an event that could only be described as “groundbreaking” (by those breaking out the lawn

Nov
06

BREAKING: The Sultan Wins Big in Slowjamastan Blowout Election…

      …But a Mysterious Write-In Vote for SlowjamaStanley Raises Eyebrows in the Eastern District BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER November 6th, 2024   Dublândia: In a landslide victory that absolutely no one saw coming (except maybe The

Oct
29

Your Electronic Ballot: Slowjamastan General Election 2024

      SCROLL DOWN TO VOTE   Voting Instructions for the 2024 Republic of Slowjamastan Election: The Greatest Election Ever! Greetings, esteemed citizens of Slowjamastan! It’s that time again when we get to exercise our most sacred right: the

Freedom

We believe in freedom for all citizens of Slowjamastan. You want pancakes for dinner? Do it. Fancy a pet aardvark? Do that, too. There’s not much you can’t do in Slowjamastan, however, please refer to our national laws and regulations. 

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Honor

Slowjamastanians are bound by honor. Our word is bond. Valour, chivalry, honesty, and compassion are all important values to us. We do the right thing, follow the golden rule, and don’t use speakerphone in public.

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Respect

We respect the land, the animals, our leader, each other. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Slowjamastan. A little respect. (Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me.) R-E-S-P-E-C-T. A little respect.

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Parliament

Joe Lindsay

Director of Land Management 

Matt Conde

Commander

Slowjamastan Security Forces

OPEN

95 Political appointee 
positions available

SLOWJAMASTAN CITIZENSHIP:

Now, you can have a piece of Slowjamastan for yourself.

We’re currently offering citizenship. Grab a passport in our shop. Even diplomatic and political appointments for qualified applicants are available. 

If you promise never to wear Crocs inside The Republic, listen to mumble rap, or drive in the passing lane while not passing – you’re our kinda citizen. Git’cher butt down here!

More Info