BY DIRK CUNNINGHAM  l  STAFF WRITER
JANUARY 4, 2022

 

Meet The Sultan – Sunday, February 6th

 

Dublândia, Republic of Slowjamastan: The people cried out with joy today, after The Slowjamastan Ministry of Communications released the news that The Sultan will be appearing for a special meet and greet with the people this February.

Deacon Yurmowf exclaimed, “I couldn’t believe it! It’s actually happening! My life will soon be complete!”

 

 

The first ever “Meet the Sultan” public event will happen in Slowjamastan on Sunday, February 6th at 2:00PM Slowjamastan Standard Time. The special ceremony will be open to only the first 50,000 people to arrive. Citizenship or visa is not required for this special meet and greet, however a special “code word” will be required to enter the country. The code word is: “Slowjamastan Banana Stand.” Failure to answer with the correct secret code word will result in denial of admittance by Slowjamastan Border and Protections.

 

 

Also appearing, Chief Border Patrol Agent, Mark Corona; Special Forces Commander Matthew Conde; and Director of The Bureau of Land Managment, Joe Lindsay

The Sultan would like to send a special invitation out to our neighbors in Borrego Springs, Ocotillo Wells, and other communities throughout Imperial and San Diego Counties, United States of America.

 

 

Covid 19 Protocol: While masks, tests nor vaccine cards are required, the Slowjamastan Ministry of Heath does require you drink a full glass of orange juice on the morning of February 6th. Sunny D is acceptable, as are mimosas

You can find information on the exact location of The Republic of Slowjamastan HERE.

Please RSVP below.

 

 

Please RSVP here:
As a guest of The Sultan and The Republic of Slowjamastan, I hereby solemnly swear to abide by the following conditions:
1. I will not wear Crocs inside The Republic of Slowjamastan.
2. I will not feed, bother, taunt or molest any raccoons - they are the Slowjamastan national animal, and are to be respected at all times.
3. I will follow Covid-19 protocol, by drinking a glass of orange juice the morning of the event.
4. I will not divulge any national secrets or classified information I learn while inside Slowjamastan.
5. I assume any and all risk and liability during my visit to Slowjamastan. I understand Slowjamastan is an underdeveloped nation filled with many risks, including but not limited to: injuries from snakes, scorpions, killer ants, mad raccoons, holes, land mines, avalanches and tipsy Sultans. I accept and assume such risks and responsibility for the losses and/or damages following such injury, disability, paralysis or death, however caused and whether caused in whole or in part by me, my guests, other guests, The Sultan or members of Slowjamastan Parliament.

30 thoughts on “Meet The Sultan – Sunday, February 6th

  1. Melanie Burke says:

    I hope grapefruit juice will be acceptable this morning. thinking about putting some vodka in it if that will be acceptable. (If not I will deny that I did it 😬)
    Looking forward to visiting your country. Hoping to get dual citizenship. I currently live in a country that is sadly being taken over by Dumfuckastan.
    See you soon….oh, I don’t currently own, or have ever owned in the past, a pair of Crocks. I do however live in my Uggs.
    See you soon!

Leave a Reply to Nick Ewing-Pistelak Cancel Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>