BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
FEBRUARY 18, 2022
Dublândia, Republic of Slowjamastan: It’s official. The world’s newest country has just named their 100th citizen.
Meet Julia Ervin, from Las Vegas, Nevada, United States of America!
“I can’t believe it!” exclaimed an overly-excited and nearly in-tears Ervin. “This is the best day of my entire life! Dreams do come true!”
In an interview with The Sultan Sun last week, Julia admits she’s considering quitting her job, selling all her worldly possessions, and riding her bike all the way from Las Vegas to Slowjamastan, in hopes to start a new life under the direction of The Sultan. Julia, We strongly suggest getting a ride, but hey, if cycling is your thing, you do you!
The Americans are up to their old tricks again, we’re afraid – blocking email communications from The Republic. We’ve seen countless potential Slowjamastani citizens on social media outlets making comments like, “I applied three months ago and haven’t heard anything.” And to this, we say, “Check your spam folder, Grasshopper.”
You see, we believe the American government is intercepting The Sultan’s emails to America and sending them into your junk folders.
1. If you applied for citizenship and haven’t heard back, check ALL your spam/junk/promotion folders ASAP. Chances are, The Sultan’s eloquent email(s) are being held hostage in there! Make sure to mark the message as “not spam.”
2. Add email@example.com to your email address book.
3. If you have further questions about your application, feel free to reach out to us anytime. Did you remember to send in your passport photo?
The Sultan is proud to have such a beautiful group of Slowjamastanis – you handsome devils – all 134 of you so far! GO HERE to see a list and photos of current citizens. If you’re not a citizen yet, we encourage you to apply today.
We expect Parliament positions to open before the summer, so if you’re interested in becoming a member of The Sultan’s cabinet, stay tuned!