BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
August 10th, 2022
Las Vegas: Leaders from 29 nations around the world converged on Las Vegas last weekend for MicroCon 2022, a summit designed to bring together countries large and small, for a weekend of discussions, diplomacy and mediocre buffet food.
Representing Slowjamastan was The Sultan, Chief Border Patrol Agent Mark Corona, Director of Emergency Services Rescue Rick, Press Secretary Tim Richards, Governor and Governess of DonSam Wadi Donald Caliva and Samantha Speckmeyer, newly appointed Governess of Snooklyn Kathy Snook and special delegate (and citizen #200) Melissa Dagdagan. The Sultan and his staff were joined by Slowjamastan Secret Service to ensure no risk of shenanigans by any rabble-rousers with less than positive intentions.
Talks this weekend included possible trade agreements between Slowjamastan and other nations, ending the long-standing feud between Slowjamastan and Cameroon, and an alliance with all nations present to come together and demand the immediate closing of Croc factories worldwide.
The press was on-hand for the long-awaited meeting of The Sultan and President and First Lady of Molossia. The paparazzi wasted no time capturing the moving event that was The Sultan shaking hands with Zaqistan‘s esteemed leader, Zaq Landsberg.
But perhaps the most moving moment of the weekend was The Sultan’s speech: a passionate, tell-all 20-minute presentation detailing the history, politics and future plans of The Republic of Slowjamastan. When his presentation was concluded, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. The applause lasted less than 20 minutes.
But there was at least one tense moment during the conference. The summit’s organizers threatened to remove Slowjamastan and its delegates from the property after The Sultan’s Secret Service blockaded the men’s restroom to allow the His Excellency to relieve himself. Can’t a Sultan pee in peace?
The Sultan and staff would like to thank Grand Duke Travis of Westarctica for hosting such an important and fantastic event.
Enjoy The Sultan’s speech (before they take it down) and photos of MicroCon below.
Ready for takeoff! Sultan, Glenn, Mom, Rescue Rick!
First class on Southwest Airlines!
Let’s roll!
Checked in.
Sultan and Melissa.
Melissa, Governess Samantha and Governor Donald of DonSam Wadi.
Late night taco stop.
Official.
Slowjamastan Secret Service.
SSS.
SSS.
Posse.
Sultan and Slowjamastan display.
What a beautiful display of our national assets.
SSS on hand.
Chief Border Patrol Agent, Sultan, Rick and SSS.
Slowjamastan alongside State of DonSam Wadi.
DonSam Wadi,
Press Secretary Tim Richards, Connie Breeze (American media), Sultan, Chief Border Agent, Rescue Rick.
Slowjamastan Parliament.
DonSam Wadi and Molossia’s First Lady and President.
The room was packed with leaders from around the world.
We mean serious business.
Sultan.
Sultan and Charles, Grand Emir of Raphania
Sultan with Supreme General Commander Grand Sergeant Major Chief Master Sergeant Supreme Leader King Iain Turnbull, Leader of The Grand Republic of Moontonia
Diplomatic meetings.
A standoff?
Posse.
A special gift from David Christensen, leader of The Empire of Aeternia
Wait just a minute – is this a time share contract???
Grand Emir of Raphania asking The Sultan about his sexy hat.
Ambulatory Free States of Obsidia.
An honor to meet Princess Cloe of the Principality of Sancratosia.
Sultan and Governor Caliva discuss the turkey sandwich that was served for lunch. Perhaps there was a mistake?
Diplomatic meetings.
Farr Out! The Sultan meets with President Farr of West Who.
Posse.
Sovereign-Prince Jean-Pierre IV of The Principality of Aigues-Mortes.
He did not pour The Sultan a drink. Perhaps there was a miscommunication.
Governor Caliva speaks…
Squashes the DonSam Wadi-Palmerstan beef.
Rescue Rick goes over “in case of emergency” directions and evacuation instructions.
Chief Border Patrol Agent Mark Corona tells potential illegal aliens, “Do not come. Do not come.”
The Sultan speaks.
Works as strong as the Bengali tiger, yet as smooth as silk.
The Sultan greets Commodore Miller.
Zaq Landsberg of Zaqistan accepts The Slowjamastan Inspiration Award.
The Sultan accepts a special invitation from Zaq.
Grand Duke Travis is Westarctica presents The Sultan with The Desert Heart Award.
The Sultan presents awards to Molossia and Zaqistan.
A moment that will go down in history!
The Sultan and President Kevin Baugh of Molossia.
The Sultan and President Kevin Baugh of Molossia.
The Sultan and Chief Border Agent with Molossia’s President and cabinet.
The “incident.”
MicroCon 2022!
How did I dodge frankly every camera!?