Dublândia, Slowjamastan: The masses converged on The Motherland last weekend for what critics are calling one of the world’s most over-hyped mediocre events of the century: The Slowjamastan Spooktacular.

Traffic was backed up for feet, as families and asylum seekers from near and far flooded across the borders for a chance to see The Sultan and fill their treat bags with some of that long-awaited, calorie-free Sultan Sweets™.

But beyond the candy, group national anthem singing and monthly Croc-burning ritual, lied a deeper meaning. Saturday would be the day The Sultan and new leaders would inaugurate four new states,  permanently cementing new names, boundaries and some very cool signs into the history book that is Slowjamastan.

We’re proud to announce the following new states and their leaders:

Bucksylvania – Governor and Governess Mike and Rene Nicholson
Higher Wadi – Governor Donald Caliva and Governess Samantha Speckmeyer
Snooklyn – Governess Kathy Snook
TriviaLand – Governor Mark Corona

But things got even hotter when Rescue Rick unveiled his new toy…I mean truck. Slowjamastan Fire and Rescue‘s new fire engine was big, bold, impressive and had all the hose! Now, our land is safe from those pesky fires.

After the fire engine introduction and hose display, The Sultan and his citizens took to the streets for an impromptu march for independence. They threw their hands in the air and waved ’em like they just didn’t care. And at one point, there were reports that the entire crowd chanted “Oh yeah.”