BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER
February 21st, 2024

Dublândia: Hot off the press, our Sultan and esteemed Parliament has just unveiled the most anticipated unboxing event of the century: introducing the (drumroll)…NEW PASSPORT!

In a groundbreaking ceremony that lasted longer than the average wait time at the DMV, our beloved officials proudly revealed our latest national treasure: a passport so majestic, you’ll wonder if it’s worth the three-hour queue just to glance at it. Prepare to be dazzled by its revolutionary design, featuring a breathtaking blend of clip art and Comic Sans font that screams “bureaucracy chic.”

And don’t worry, we’ve spared no expense in ensuring its security features are state-of-the-art. Just try to peel off that holographic sticker without summoning the spirit of three ancient wizards to guard it. Grab your snacks, folks, because the line to get your hands on these bad boys is longer than a slow-motion marathon. But hey, in Slowjamastan, we believe good things come to those who wait… and wait… and wait some more.

The new passport will be available soon. Standby for an announcement.