Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam!

BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER
June 15th, 2024

Dublândia: In a spectacle sure to rock the international stage, Slowjamastan’s Minister of Foreign Affairs announced today that His Exalted Highness The Sultan, accompanied by the ever-vigilant Chief Porder Batrol Agent Mark Corona, will grace the roads of Arizona next weekend. This grandiose tour of diplomatic endeavors will see the dynamic duo visit such exotic locales as Bisbee, Benson, Naco, Nogales, Sierra Vista, and Tucson, even crossing into Mexico at times.

While the specifics of their noble quest remain shrouded in mystery, whispers in the diplomatic grapevine suggest a range of possibilities: from an epicurean expedition to sample every taco in the state to covert operations scouting future territories for Slowjamastan’s inevitable expansion. One undeniable fact has emerged from the haze of speculation: American authorities are on red alert.

So keep your eyes peeled, citizens of Arizona! The Sultan and the Chief may soon be shaking hands and kissing babies (or tasting tacos and plotting annexations) in a town near you!

Leaked from the deepest vaults of Slowjamastan’s top-secret archives, we present to you the highly classified, ultra-sensitive itinerary of The Sultan and Chief Porder Batrol Agent’s upcoming Arizona adventure. Buckle up, because this is one roadmap you won’t want to miss!

Friday, June 21st: Tucson, Arizona, 7AM – 3PM
Cruising the streets of Tucson 

Friday, June 21st: Sahuarita, Arizona, 6:30PM – 10PM
The Sultan hosts Slow Jams 30th Anniversary Party and Concert at Desert Diamond Casino

Saturday, June 22nd, morning
Benson, Tombstone, Bisbee

Saturday, June 22nd, afternoon
Naco, Arizona; Naco, Sonora; Sierra Vista, Arizona

Saturday, June 22nd, evening
Nogales, Arizona; Nogales, Sonora

Sunday, June 23rd, afternoon
Calexico and Mexicali

See the Sultan’s grand parade? Snap a pic and tag us @slowjamastan …Bonus points if you catch them mid-taco!