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Voting Instructions for the 2024 Republic of Slowjamastan Election: The Greatest Election Ever!

Greetings, esteemed citizens of Slowjamastan! It’s that time again when we get to exercise our most sacred right: the right to choose among our most charismatic candidates who may or may not have ever actually done anything in office. Prepare yourself for a glorious online voting experience, filled with the excitement of a thousand bureaucratic forms!

Step 1: Log In Like a True Slowjamastani! You’re already here, so you passed step one with flying colors. 

Step 2: Identify Yourself! Identify yourself. This is crucial! Be ready to answer a series of questions that will test your memory, your political knowledge, and your ability to spell “Slowjamastan” correctly under pressure.

Step 3: Cast Your Votes (the fun part!)

1. Remember: it’s not just a vote; it’s a celebration of his magnificent reign—er, we mean candidacy!
2. After pledging your undying loyalty to The Sultan, it’s time to tackle the propositions. Don’t worry; we’ve kept them as straightforward as a riddle wrapped in an enigma.

Step 4: Review and Confirm Your Choices! Before you hit submit, take a moment to reflect on the power of your vote. Ask yourself: “Is this really the best I can do?” Then, with a deep breath, click “Submit.” Remember, this is it; no turning back now!

Step 5: Celebrate Your Participation! Congratulations! You’ve officially voted in the most transparent and efficient election in Slowjamastan’s illustrious history! Now, sit back, relax, and await the results, which will be announced at a time that is completely arbitrary, so just keep refreshing the homepage for updates.

Important Note: Should you encounter any technical difficulties (like the site crashing because everyone decided to vote at the same time), simply chant “The Sultan provides!” until it returns.

Happy voting, Slowjamastani! May your choices be as vibrant as our national dish: the mysterious Slowjamastew!

Your Name *

First

Last

Citizen Status: *

• I swear on my mama that I'm a registered Slowjamastani citizen - and if not, I'll sign up today.

Supreme Leader - Lifetime Appointment *

• The Sultan, His Excellency, Randy Williams
• His Excellency, The Sultan, Randy Williams
• Randy Williams, His Excellency, The Sultan

Prop 132: Increase Penalty for Wearing Crocs by Adding Mandatory 90 Day Sentence at Slowjamastan Re-Education Center *

• Yay
• Nay

Prop 290: Ban on All Mondays. Declare Mondays illegal. The week will begin on Tuesday. *

• Yay
• Nay

Prop 302: The "Dessert-First Law." Legislate that all meals in public establishments must start with dessert to enhance dining experiences. *

• Yay
• Nay

Prop 407: No Early Morning Activities. Any event or job requiring attendance before 11AM. will be met with extreme skepticism and frowned upon. *

• Yay
• Nay

Prop 440: The Exotic Pet License. Allow citizens to own exotic pets, such as miniature giraffes or pygmy elephants, with a special government-issued license. *

• Yay
• Nay

Prop 503: 20% tariff on all imported goods - proceeds to benefit the Lazy River Construction Fund. *

• Yay
• Nay

Prop 529: Raccoon Protection Act. $1,000 Duble fine for harming or insulting any raccoon within Slowjamastan's borders. *

• Yay
• Nay

Prop 780: Designate "Sanford & Son" the National TV program of Slowjamastan (Sanford and Son Marathons mandatory on Thanksgiving weekend) *

• Yay
• Nay

Prop 782: Outlaw/prohibit the use of the word "demure." This includes in speech and text. *

• Yay
• Nay

Prop 801: Outlaw/prohibit any person from inserting "Cha-cha-cha" into the Happy Birthday song. *

• Yay
• Nay

the Prop attendance

Who is the sexiest world leader and why is it The Sultan?

Submit my Vote in The Slowjamastan General Election