San Diego County, CA: This weekend, fewer than 500 of the bravest Slowjamastani citizens answered The Sultan‘s clarion call to embark on a daring mission into foreign territory—America. The crisis? Litter. Mountains of it. Along the perilous wasteland known as Highway 78, just beyond Slowjamastan’s glittering border, the Sultan’s homeland was forced to witness the shocking debris of an untidy neighbor. Naturally, action was required.

Act I: Diplomatic Delights at Independence Square
Before diving into their humanitarian mission, the noble citizens assembled at Independence Square for a time-honored tradition: marveling at the glorious Slowjamastani flag as it fluttered in majestic defiance of gravity. Passports were stamped with precision, and The Sultan graced his adoring followers with his radiant presence. Breakfast, catered by the exotic American establishment known as Love’s, was nothing short of a gastronomic triumph. Where else could one find egg-and-sausage sandwiches paired with diesel fuel fumes?

Act II: The Great Garbage Expedition
With spirits bolstered by the Sultan’s unflagging optimism, the citizens descended upon Highway 78 armed with trash bags and a dream. Battling the treacherous elements—scorching sun, relentless bees, and one particularly judgmental rattlesnake—the group fearlessly tackled the American wasteland. Tires, bottles, cans—nothing was safe from their determination.

By the end of the operation, under three tons of America’s shame had been neatly bagged and staged for CalTrans pickup, a task Slowjamastanis would surely have done themselves were it not for diplomatic etiquette requiring some American participation.

Act III: Victory Banquet
Exhausted yet triumphant, the weary warriors returned to Slowjamastani soil, where The Sultan rewarded their valor with a feast befitting champions. As they dined in splendor, plans were already afoot for the next campaign to rescue America from itself.

Missed this historic event? Fear not! Subscribe to The Sultan Sun™, your one-stop source for Slowjamastani updates, so you can join us on the next glorious mission. Together, we can help our neighbors, one discarded soda can at a time.

The Sultan thanks…
Heuionalani Wyeth
EJ Donaldson
Eugene Gillard and Kathy
Joe Gondak
Louis “Chip” Holz (Ambassador to Alpine)
Nicholas Leonard

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