My Word is Bond
I promised I’d keep you updated on the awful burglary and vandalism that happened to us in December, so I’m here with an update. I don’t enjoy putting the humor and satire aside, but for serious stuff like this, I must.

A reminder that this wasn’t a stunt or anything we were in control or aware of. In December, our property (Slowjamastan) was burgled, vandalized and damaged to the tune of over $10,000. We’re all for innocent and fun “pranks,” but this was an actual crime that did a lot of damage and hurt people. Some of us lost sleep and suffered emotionally. It was a violation of our morale, safety and security. If you missed the details of what happened, you can see them HERE.

Resolution
Today, I’m here with a bit of good news. The suspects have have been identified and contacted and we’re currently working on a resolution with the individuals. In fact, the offenders have already begun to pay us back for the damage. They are fully cooperating. We’ve been instructed by law enforcement and our legal team to offer no further comments until the investigation is completed, but we are happy with the speed in which this process is progressing and hopeful for a full resolution in the coming weeks.

Above and Beyond
I’d like to thank those who have offered their support, both emotionally and financially. We launched a GoFundMe to help with the damages – and now that we are being paid restitution by the offenders, we can re-focus those funds on strengthening our security.

I’ll be honest – my pride gets in the way when asking others to contribute, but Chief Mark Corona told me something that changed my mind.

He said, “Sultan, we have over 20,000 registered citizens. If everyone of those fine folks simply sent us enough money for just one coffee ($5), we’d could do some of the most incredible things. You buy your citizens coffee often – this is just the reverse.” And he was right. It’s strength in numbers – simple math.

So, zero pressure – but if you feel inclined, know that you, – and all of us together – have the power to turn Slowjamastan from a big dirt lot into an actual community with roads, structures and so much more. The sky is the limit. Here is the LINK to join in.

The Border Wall
Step one: We’re crowdfunding a “wall” to keep the illegal Americans out (of course, you are always welcome in!). We’re already in contact with a fencing company and have put down a deposit – from The Sultan’s personal money. If YOU would like to take part in building the wall – and we’re going to start soon – you can visit our GoFundMe page HERE. If you’ve already contributed, thank you so very much, from the heart of my bottom.

That’s all for now, but keep an eye on our social media accounts – we hope to break ground on our new “wall” SOON!

Strong hug,

The Sultan

P.S. A special thank you to our Ambassadors, Parliament Members and INSIDERS for being a very special part of our community and helping us thrive each month. Consider joining the ranks HERE.

P.P.S. We’ll be hosting another highway clean-up later this season and would be honored if you would join us. Details forthcoming.

Become a Slowjamastan Citizen HERE!