BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
February 12, 2025
Imperial County, CA – In a shocking display of cartographic audacity, maps now reflect the Salton Sea as the “Sultan” Sea, honoring the Supreme Leader of Slowjamastan.
Critics claim it’s a blatant attempt to expand Slowjamastani influence, but supporters say it’s the most exciting thing to happen to the Salton Sea since evaporation.
Locals are confused, geographers are furious, and Crocs remain banned from all associated waters. Meanwhile, some map applications have yet to confirm the change—but Slowjamastan’s Ministry of Misinformation assures everyone, “It’s real if you believe hard enough.”
The Republic of Slowjamastan: a proud, 11-acre micronation where freedom reigns, Crocs are outlawed, and diplomacy involves excessive saxophone solos. Ruled by The Sultan—because democracy is exhausting—Slowjamastan boasts its own currency, passports, and a population convinced this is totally legitimate. Recognized by… well, mostly just themselves.
Become a Slowjamastan Citizen HERE!
What is your actual location (So we can set our GPS)
https://www.google.com/maps/place/Republic+of+Slowjamastan/@33.1259248,-115.9719759,17z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m5!3m4!1s0x80da1f8c38d8c09d:0x8f94ff58df1579e6!8m2!3d33.1259203!4d-115.9697872
I’ve honestly though it was always called the “Sultan Sea.” Viva Slowjamistan from New Mexico, USA.
Wait…maybe it was?
The coup needs to be complete; for cartographic consistency Salton City and Salton Beach should also be renamed to incorporate the title of our Glorious Sovereign. Viva Slowjamastan!
You need to start a line of sleepwear called “Pajamastans.”
When you assemble an army they should be called “Slodiers.”
Decorated with raccoons 😁
What about the adjacent Salton City?? When will it be re-named Sultan City?? The transformation must be complete!
You know too much.
I am submitting a scientific paper for publication – title “Characterization of the microbiomes from Salton Sea trough mud volcanoes, seeps and enrichment cultures: predominance of H2-autotrophy, H2-producing organotrophy, acetate cycling and sulfur reduction,” which i will now change to “”Characterization of the microbiomes from Sultan Sea…” to conform with your edict.
Which also made me wonder, do you need a director for the SNF (Slowjamastan Science Foundation)? If so, i’m available!
I am submitting a scientific paper for publication – title “Characterization of the microbiomes from Salton Sea trough mud volcanoes, seeps and enrichment cultures: predominance of H2-autotrophy, H2-producing organotrophy, acetate cycling and sulfur reduction,” which i will now change to “”Characterization of the microbiomes from Sultan Sea…” to conform with your edict.
Which also made me wonder, do you need a director for the SSF (Slowjamastan Science Foundation)? If so, i’m available!