BY DIRK CUNNINGHAM l STAFF WRITER
JANUARY 4, 2022
Meet The Sultan – Sunday, February 6th
Dublândia, Republic of Slowjamastan: The people cried out with joy today, after The Slowjamastan Ministry of Communications released the news that The Sultan will be appearing for a special meet and greet with the people this February.
Deacon Yurmowf exclaimed, “I couldn’t believe it! It’s actually happening! My life will soon be complete!”
The first ever “Meet the Sultan” public event will happen in Slowjamastan on Sunday, February 6th at 2:00PM Slowjamastan Standard Time. The special ceremony will be open to only the first 50,000 people to arrive. Citizenship or visa is not required for this special meet and greet, however a special “code word” will be required to enter the country. The code word is: “Slowjamastan Banana Stand.” Failure to answer with the correct secret code word will result in denial of admittance by Slowjamastan Border and Protections.
Also appearing, Chief Border Patrol Agent, Mark Corona; Special Forces Commander Matthew Conde; and Director of The Bureau of Land Managment, Joe Lindsay.
The Sultan would like to send a special invitation out to our neighbors in Borrego Springs, Ocotillo Wells, and other communities throughout Imperial and San Diego Counties, United States of America.
Covid 19 Protocol: While masks, tests nor vaccine cards are required, the Slowjamastan Ministry of Heath does require you drink a full glass of orange juice on the morning of February 6th. Sunny D is acceptable, as are mimosas.
You can find information on the exact location of The Republic of Slowjamastan HERE.
Please RSVP below.
As a citizen of SLOWJAMASTAN I can’t wait to walk into my new country!!!!
As long as you don’t walk in with Crocs, we’re coo.
Shutrumpastan will send representation
We await you with open arms!
Alas! I will never be able to visit Slowjamastan as the only shoes that fit my old aching feet are the dreaded and banned Crocs. In the Aesopian tradition of sour grapes, I will say that I didn’t want to go anyway. Not sure if I believe myself but that’s my story and I am sticking to it!
Might we suggest Rockports or Brooks?
Does the sultan require a gift?
IE: slaughtered lamb or guided calf?
Just your love, loyalty and support!
Does the Sultan request we wear the official uniform of the republic? If so, please send 6.
Just leave the Crocs at home.
My calendar is marked with a Big Racoon footprint…
Getting the mimosas ready…
See you soon Sultan!
We can’t wait to see you!
Burningman South?
We are currently awaiting your eminences arrival. We are those people who always arrive obnoxiously early.
What time do the festivities begin?
2pm!
We will be there , is drone allowed 🙂
For you Mr. Yang, yes!
Sultan, if i become a resident of your nation, do i need to pay taxes? – Koala
Well who else is going to pay for the water park?
Is the sultan single? If so, and if I marry him, will I be known as the sultana?
I’m afraid he’s a ramblin’ man…a rolling stone.
Ohh, a new tower. An STL maybe?
I hope grapefruit juice will be acceptable this morning. thinking about putting some vodka in it if that will be acceptable. (If not I will deny that I did it ?)
Looking forward to visiting your country. Hoping to get dual citizenship. I currently live in a country that is sadly being taken over by Dumfuckastan.
See you soon….oh, I don’t currently own, or have ever owned in the past, a pair of Crocks. I do however live in my Uggs.
See you soon!
We really like you, Melanie! Just share that drink with The Sultan and it will all work out.
Looks like I missed all the fun. Can I come next weekend? Do you also have a passport stamp?
Hello Brian! Please contact us for a visa application.
Woo Hoo…..I’m. now a citizen of Slowjamastan!! I’m somebody!,
Are you going to have single payer health insurance?
Not sure, but you’ll be able to keep your doctor. No, really, promise!