Breaking News: Parking Ticket Sparks Tension Between Slowjamastan and United States
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
April 9th, 2024
San Diego: In a shocking turn of events, the unbreakable bond between Slowjamastan and the United States has been rattled by a seemingly innocuous parking ticket. The incident, which occurred over the weekend, has sent shockwaves through diplomatic circles, leaving citizens on both sides of the alliance scratching their heads.
Details of the incident remain murky, but sources close to the situation suggest that a diplomatic vehicle from Slowjamastan incurred a parking violation while visiting the San Diego International Airport. While the exact nature of the violation are yet to be confirmed, it appears to have triggered a flurry of diplomatic correspondence.
Slowjamastan’s response to the alleged infraction has been nothing short of diplomatic brilliance. In a move reminiscent of a seasoned chess player, they have invoked the “Freedom to Stumble Upon Information Act,” a piece of legislation renowned for its strategic ambiguity.
However, the United States, known for its penchant for order and bureaucracy, has not taken kindly to Slowjamastan’s legal maneuvering. Sources within the State Department describe the response as a mix of bewilderment and mild irritation.
“We pride ourselves on upholding the rule of law,” one anonymous official remarked, “but this…this is a parking ticket. Are we really going to let a parking ticket derail decades of diplomatic goodwill?”
Meanwhile, in Slowjamastan, citizens have taken to social media to express their bemusement at the situation. Memes featuring parking meters adorned with both the Slowjamastan and American flags have been circulating widely, accompanied by witty captions poking fun at the absurdity of it all.
In the midst of this diplomatic kerfuffle, both nations have reassured the public that efforts are underway to resolve the issue swiftly and amicably. However, with tensions simmering beneath the surface, it remains to be seen whether this parking ticket will be relegated to the annals of diplomatic trivia or escalate into a full-blown international incident.
Stay tuned as we bring you the latest updates on this riveting saga of parking, diplomacy, and the enduring quest for harmony between nations.
UPDATE: May 2nd, 2024
First appeal (online) denied. The Sultan’s legal team files second online appeal and administrative hearing.
UPDATE: May 15th, 2024
Second appeal (online) denied. Our next step is an in-person court appearance – another waste of Slowjamastan taxpayer money and The Sultan’s precious time.
“Our legal team is absolutely the best, folks. Nobody better. We’re going to win big, believe me. Total victory!” Exclaimed the riled but never rattled Sultan.” Exclaimed the riled but never rattled Sultan. “We’re being totally set up by these American parking enforcement bullies, folks. It’s clear as day. This is a total witch hunt, believe me. And honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a lot of Croc-wearing going on in that department. It’s a disgrace!”
Stay tuned for updates, including our court date and location.
As always, The Sultan calls for calm on the streets.
UPDATE: Bureaucratic BOMBSHELL: Sultan Sent to Superior Court
Slowjamastan’s Sultan Faces the Wrath of Justice Over Royal Parking Blunder. SEE FULL TRIAL UPDATE HERE.
Considering what other diplomats have gotten away with under “diplomatic immunity”, I’d say the Sultan has an airtight case. Shame on San Diego Airport for taking such an egregious act.
I agree.
I’m not in our country at the moment but plan to demonstrate. Hopefully others join me but I will demonstrate by myself if need be!!!
This is interesting information. However, having the Sultan exhibit such a distaste for parking enforcement appears to be a bit hypocritical. I have photos showing a parking enforcement vehicle on the property of Slowjamastan in front of their sign as well as parked next to the Slowjamastan Fire engine. I will gladly share said photos if you like.
DS
You know too much.
This aggression shall not stand!
Im in a similar situation, but much ,more harsh. The rmv has suspended my license without due Process, but I am suing them based on “Color of Law” so I can understand that Public Enemy always said “Fight The Power” never give up. I love the peace but when they try to take your money you gotta fight the power and get Justice.
LM
Obviously this is discrimination towards our sultan. Calling all Slowjamastanians to show up to our sultans arraignment to protest his innocence!
Sultan, we are all standing down and standing by for further instructions!
Please advise us oh great leader!!
Standby.
This Slowjamastan citizen, which can be proven if needed by the plaque on the wall certified and delivered from the Sultan His Exalted Self, is unquestionably behind the Sultan in this case. Any other international incident such as this, badly managed by SD staff, would be on the front page of every newspaper in the US and would also quickly be resolved by the White House or (former) residents of the White House. If you need reinforcements just holler. I make a mean protest sign (always respectful of course), write scathing letters for incidents just like this (always respectful of course, it is important to keep the dignity of Slowjamastan and the Sultan unsullied), and much more. Sultan, it was delightful to see you under any circumstances again. It has been too long but worth it. Citizen S.
We thank you for your support, Susan! You get it!!!
Massachusetts Militia is standing by and awaiting orders. Try to get this settled before we have to spend money on car rentals. Plus we don’t want to miss the C’s win the title. So maybe you could just pay the fine. Would be wicked awesome if you could just do that.
We can’t bending as America Requires.what about violations of Vienna convention ?
What you are missing is that raccoon assassins will be lying (ahem) in wait outside the hearing, probably disguised as tourists. Keep an eye out for raccoons in Hawaiian flowerdy shirts and sunglasses claiming they are looking for the Taylor Swift concert.
A scam! What does the city have against the color violet, the unofficial color of Slowjamastan’s flagpole? To receive a parking violetation is unheard of! After all, roses are red violet is blue dont give the Sultan no ticket — if y9u know whats good for you! Slowjamastanians are indignant over this Parr King Violetation So all of you nonviolet people come to your good senses and dismiss this Par King violetation asap!
Just present your case like you did on “Judge Mathis” and you’ll be a winner.