Nogales Police Department Rolls Out Red Carpet (and Extra Parking Spaces) for Sultan of Slowjamastan
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER
June 22nd, 2024
Nogales, AZ—In an event that could only be described as a cross-border camaraderie carnival, the Sultan of Slowjamastan and Chief Porder Batrol Agent graced the city of Nogales, Arizona with their presence this past Sunday. The Nogales Police Department pulled out all the stops for a special parking lot reception, welcoming the foreign dignitaries with open arms and a touch of whimsical fanfare.
The Sultan and Chief, decked out in their finest regalia, engaged in the time-honored tradition of handshakes and gift exchanges with the city’s officials. The atmosphere was electric as they compared police cars, a sight to behold as officers marveled at the sleek Slowjamastan cruisers. The highlight of the discussions, however, was their united stand against a common enemy: the American Crocs epidemic. The meeting buzzed with brainstorming sessions on extradition policies for Croc-wearing criminals, with both sides vowing to rid their lands of the foam menace.
In a gesture of international friendship, the Sultan presented the Nogales Police Department with Slowjamastan’s prestigious golden “Raccoon of Friendship” award. The shiny trophy, symbolizing unity and cooperation, was accepted with much fanfare. However, the jubilation was short-lived when the department politely declined the Sultan’s spirited offer to race their police cars down Grand Avenue. Perhaps next time, Nogales!
The festivities continued with a procession down North Morley Avenue, which, depending on who you ask, was either a small parade or just heavy traffic. Spectators cheered, waved, and perhaps wondered what exactly was going on. The day concluded with the Sultan and Chief crossing the border into ol’ Mexico, where they indulged in the ultimate diplomatic delight: Sonoran carne asada tacos on flour tortillas.
As the sun set on this memorable day, one thing was clear—Nogales and Slowjamastan had forged a bond that would go down in history. And maybe, just maybe, the fight against Crocs had gained some much-needed momentum.
In Slowjamastan, every day is an adventure, but this diplomatic escapade in Nogales will surely be remembered as a day when borders blurred and friendships flourished, all in the name of unity and stylish footwear.
I would like to market the fruit of the bees. Our honey flows as slow as stans jam. I would like to be a citizen and run for a cabinet position. You probably wouldn’t care for my unexciting civilian credentials and qualifications.
If there are no cabinet positions I would very much like to work in the bullsh….I mean propaganda department. For some unknown reason my constituents continually express their disappointment in my rascally untruth telling at parties and sh…stuff.
If there are no openings there, I could run the trash department. But then I would want to get paid instead of just help disrupt everything for free. Or something. Naw, I guess I wouldn’t need to get paid. I would just do things the same way sanitation department does it. go look at it, declare a problem, help make it worse, THEN demand money to fix it. But I wouldn’t do that… and neither would I ! So I really couldn’t blame you.
Thanks I appreciate it
( wonder why people say that, too)
Barry (not the Jewish one…and NOT barack)
I think this could be lots and lots of fun. I retired a few months back and my children took me to the river to buy a place out there. On the way they showed me your country. I like that it has borders. Hope to hear from you
I just remembered —I could help promulgate peace treaties, bullshit trade agreements that you would never honor, and a score of other official documents. If you have a constitution I could create a HOST of edicts that would trample ALL OVER IT !!! My Gosh, I am getting a tingle down my leg thinking of it…. and the best part is,,,,I DONT HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE AT IT ….EVER !! BUT…I would be the FIRST. Please dont think I am overqualifierd, have been non-un-re-dis-empowered of something, and phobionically am disengendered . I studied Trans-incidental and Nonperiodic Float Samples of the Arctic with a miner in Mineral Rights for Green energy Safe Spaces.
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