The Sultan Returns: Blame NATO and a Parking Ticket, But We’re Back!
We know, we know—you’ve been asking, nay, DEMANDING, an event with The Sultan, and we sincerely apologize for the delay! Between rubbing elbows at the NATO Summit (they insisted on having The Sultan’s sage wisdom, obviously) and battling the endlessly dramatic United States v. The Sultan parking ticket saga (we couldn’t rest until justice prevailed), it’s been quite the whirlwind. But fear not, noble citizens, for we are never too busy for YOU. Let’s finally meet and make up for lost time!
Saturday, October 26th – Heber, California, USA
Join The Sultan and his fearless comrades at Heber’s legendary Fall Fiesta in Heber, California—because nothing says “diplomatic relations” like a small-town parade! Witness the grandeur of Slowjamastan rolling through at 4:00 PM sharp, starting at the iconic intersection of Heber Avenue and Hawk Avenue (where dreams are made), and ending triumphantly at Oak Avenue, just past Tito Huerta Park. Stick around for music, food, and fun—and selfies with The Sultan and Chief! More details HERE.
Saturday, November 9th – Brawley, California, USA
We’re just as shocked as you are, but it’s happening again! Slowjamastan is making a triumphant return to the *world-famous* Cattle Call Parade in Brawley, California. Yes, they invited us back—go figure. Keep your eyes peeled for The Sultan, The Chief, and his mighty *Porder Batrol* truck, along with Rescue Rick and the legendary Slowjamastan Fire Engine. (Where the hose at?! Good question.) The parade kicks off bright and early at 9AM, so grab your coffee, your confusion, and head over for the show! For more info, check it out HERE—you know you want to.
Saturday, December 7th – El Centro, California, USA
Mark your calendars and prepare for spectacle: The Sultan and an entourage of Slowjamastan dignitaries will grace the City of El Centro‘s annual Christmas Parade. This year’s theme, “Christmas Traditions Around the World,” couldn’t be more fitting—we’re absolutely thrilled to educate our American neighbors on how we Slowjamastanis celebrate the holiday season (hint: we roast Crocs and peel egg-nog infused string cheese!) The parade kicks off at 10AM on Main Street and 8th Street in downtown El Centro. Be there, or forever wonder what Slowjamastani holiday magic you missed!
Sunday, December 8th – Highway 78, California, USA
Our dedicated Sultan is rolling up his sleeves for the “Highway 78 Clean-Up Extravaganza” just beyond our borders. While our litter-happy American neighbors may love fast food and even faster littering, we Slowjamastanis will rise above—and pick up their mess! We will provide you with the vests, the pickers, and the sense of moral superiority. Raffles, party favors, and refreshments await as we restore Highway 78. Limited spots available, so RSVP now and help make the highway slightly less disgusting! RSVP HERE.
Aloha Honorable Sultan,
How can I not be there?
Looking forward to seeing you all and joining in the foreign aid mission. What next? Can a new version of the Marshall Plan be far behind?
Why does the Facebook notice about 8 December’s foreign aid mission feature a map of Highway 78 in Buffalo NY? Is this to buffalo possible infiltrators from hostile alien powers who might wish to sabotage this important outreach effort?
Can hardly wait to join fellow Slowjamastanis in El Centro for the big parade. So excited am I by the prospect that I have composed a commemorative encomium for the occasion. Feel free to use it on the Big Day. The tune may be familiar to anyone who grew up celebrating Christmas in the USA. I trust that no US copyrights will be violated.
SULTAN DUB IS COMING TO TOWN
The Man of the Year is about to ride by
So let’s give a cheer and light up the sky!
Cuz Sultan Dub is coming to town.
And if you’re wearing Crocs which he cannot abide
He’s darn near omniscient so don’t think you can hide
When Sultan Dub arrives in this town.
His eagle eyes see everything
Including what’s upon your feet
So if it happens to be Crocs
Get rid of them tout de suite!
Yes, time to go out and dump those Croca in the can
Or you won’t be allowed into Slowjamastan
When sultan Dub rolls into this town.
Happy Independence Day! Viva Slowjamastan!
We need the Sultan to bring his message to Indio, if at all possible to make the long trip and cross the border into Riverside County.
Ahhh, you are so close to the Motherland! Join us December 8th?
See ya November 8th. ✌🏽💪🏽😎