Author: Slowjamastan State Department

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER December 21st , 2024   Dublândia — In a dramatic move that sent shockwaves through the fast food and footwear industries, The Republic of Slowjamastan announced today that it will impose immediate sanctions

    …Sultan of Slowjamastan Leads Elite Citizens in Heroic Quest to Save America from Itself BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER December 8th, 2024   San Diego County, CA: This weekend, fewer than 500 of the bravest Slowjamastani citizens

    …Declares it ‘A Close Second to the Slowjamastan Royal Procession’ BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER November 10th, 2024   Brawley, CA: In an event that could only be described as “groundbreaking” (by those breaking out the lawn

      …But a Mysterious Write-In Vote for SlowjamaStanley Raises Eyebrows in the Eastern District BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER November 6th, 2024   Dublândia: In a landslide victory that absolutely no one saw coming (except maybe The

      SCROLL DOWN TO VOTE   Voting Instructions for the 2024 Republic of Slowjamastan Election: The Greatest Election Ever! Greetings, esteemed citizens of Slowjamastan! It’s that time again when we get to exercise our most sacred right: the

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER October 27th, 2024   Heber, CA – Last Saturday, residents of Heber were in for a wild ride as The Sultan of Slowjamastan himself rolled into town to join the annual Fall Fiesta

  BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER October 20th, 2024   Algiers – In the quiet hills of Tizi Ouzou, Algerian Mourad Tabti had just one dream: to hold in his hands the holy grail of citizenship—his very own Slowjamastani

  The Sultan Returns: Blame NATO and a Parking Ticket, But We’re Back! We know, we know—you’ve been asking, nay, DEMANDING, an event with The Sultan, and we sincerely apologize for the delay! Between rubbing elbows at the NATO Summit

    Proving Once Again That Small Nations Can Dream Big… Especially When There’s Free Champagne Involved! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER September 21st, 2024   Aigues-Mortes, France — In a night that will surely go down in the Official

      Guac ‘n’ Roll Gangster: Sultan Defends Avocado Crown BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER August 1st, 2024   San Diego — In a highly anticipated return to the United States, The Sultan of Slowjamastan set foot on

      Epic Showdown Over Parking Ticket Shakes Nation BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP  l  STAFF WRITER July 18th, 2024   San Diego — International turmoil reached historic heights on Wednesday as the esteemed Sultan of Slowjamastan was summoned to San