…Sultan of Slowjamastan Leads Elite Citizens in Heroic Quest to Save America from Itself BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER December 8th, 2024 San Diego County, CA: This weekend, fewer than 500 of the bravest Slowjamastani citizens
Author: Slowjamastan State Department
…Declares it ‘A Close Second to the Slowjamastan Royal Procession’ BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER November 10th, 2024 Brawley, CA: In an event that could only be described as “groundbreaking” (by those breaking out the lawn
…But a Mysterious Write-In Vote for SlowjamaStanley Raises Eyebrows in the Eastern District BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER November 6th, 2024 Dublândia: In a landslide victory that absolutely no one saw coming (except maybe The
SCROLL DOWN TO VOTE Voting Instructions for the 2024 Republic of Slowjamastan Election: The Greatest Election Ever! Greetings, esteemed citizens of Slowjamastan! It’s that time again when we get to exercise our most sacred right: the
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER October 27th, 2024 Heber, CA – Last Saturday, residents of Heber were in for a wild ride as The Sultan of Slowjamastan himself rolled into town to join the annual Fall Fiesta
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER October 20th, 2024 Algiers – In the quiet hills of Tizi Ouzou, Algerian Mourad Tabti had just one dream: to hold in his hands the holy grail of citizenship—his very own Slowjamastani
The Sultan Returns: Blame NATO and a Parking Ticket, But We’re Back! We know, we know—you’ve been asking, nay, DEMANDING, an event with The Sultan, and we sincerely apologize for the delay! Between rubbing elbows at the NATO Summit
Proving Once Again That Small Nations Can Dream Big… Especially When There’s Free Champagne Involved! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER September 21st, 2024 Aigues-Mortes, France — In a night that will surely go down in the Official
Guac ‘n’ Roll Gangster: Sultan Defends Avocado Crown BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER August 1st, 2024 San Diego — In a highly anticipated return to the United States, The Sultan of Slowjamastan set foot on
Right City, Wrong Year: Slowjamastan’s Olympic Mix-Up BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 28th, 2024 Paris — In an extraordinary display of organizational prowess, the Slowjamastan National Hockey Federation descended upon Paris this week, ready to
Epic Showdown Over Parking Ticket Shakes Nation BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 18th, 2024 San Diego — International turmoil reached historic heights on Wednesday as the esteemed Sultan of Slowjamastan was summoned to San
Slowjamastan Public Information Department Below is the Sultan’s official court statement and testimony for The United States v. The Sultan, which took place in San Diego Superior Court on July 17th, 2024 under the guidance and supervision