Guac ‘n’ Roll Gangster: Sultan Defends Avocado Crown BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER August 1st, 2024 San Diego — In a highly anticipated return to the United States, The Sultan of Slowjamastan set foot on
Category: News
Right City, Wrong Year: Slowjamastan’s Olympic Mix-Up BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 28th, 2024 Paris — In an extraordinary display of organizational prowess, the Slowjamastan National Hockey Federation descended upon Paris this week, ready to
Epic Showdown Over Parking Ticket Shakes Nation BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 18th, 2024 San Diego — International turmoil reached historic heights on Wednesday as the esteemed Sultan of Slowjamastan was summoned to San
The Sultan and Chief Commandeered to Washington for High-Stakes Summit Shenanigans BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 14th, 2024 Washington: Forget electricity and plumbing; those are mere trifles. The real ticket to legitimacy for Slowjamastan?
Nogales Police Department Rolls Out Red Carpet (and Extra Parking Spaces) for Sultan of Slowjamastan BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 22nd, 2024 Nogales, AZ—In an event that could only be described as a cross-border
Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 22nd, 2024 Benson, Arizona: Banks shuttered, post offices padlocked, and productivity plummeted in Benson, Arizona, on Saturday, as
Sultan’s Grand Caravan Rolls Through Arizona: Locals Brace for Royal Traffic Jam! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 15th, 2024 Dublândia: In a spectacle sure to rock the international stage, Slowjamastan’s Minister of Foreign Affairs
Slowjamastan’s Sultan Faces the Wrath of Justice Over Royal Parking Blunder BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER May 31st, 2024 San Diego: In a scandal that’s shaking the foundations of international relations (or at least a
Yankee Spies Caught Peeking at Consulate: Sultan’s Enchiladas Caught in the Crossfire! BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER May 30th, 2024 San Diego: We are notifying all Slowjamastani citizens and allies of some disturbing news.
How I Survived Afternoon Tea with a Sultan: A Tale of Tea, Turbans, and Timely Bowing READER CONTRIBUTION l BEN KATZMAN SLIGHTLY EDITED BY THE SLOWJAMASTAN MINISTRY OF PROPAGANDA May 26th, 2024 San Diego: I am
Nation’s Smelliest Sea Rebranded as Tribute to Supreme Leader: “Sultan” Sea to Replace Salton Sea in Grandiose Gesture BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER May 19th, 2024 Salton City, CA: This week, a measure was put
Sultan Achieves Board Game Fame BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER May 10th, 2024 El Centro, California, United States of America: Slowjamastanis collectively threw their hands up in joyous celebration upon discovering that their illustrious nation had