…Sultan of Slowjamastan Leads Elite Citizens in Heroic Quest to Save America from Itself BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER December 8th, 2024 San Diego County, CA: This weekend, fewer than 500 of the bravest Slowjamastani citizens
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…But a Mysterious Write-In Vote for SlowjamaStanley Raises Eyebrows in the Eastern District BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER November 6th, 2024 Dublândia: In a landslide victory that absolutely no one saw coming (except maybe The
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER FEBRUARY 6, 2022 Dublândia, Republic of Slowjamastan: Under 10,000 Slowjamastani citizens, loyalists and supporters flooded through the nation’s newly constructed border gate on Sunday for an opportunity to see the
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BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER July 9th, 2025 SLOWJAMASTAN — In a hastily organized press conference held in front of the Ministry of Sand and Silence, The Sultan of Slowjamastan flatly denied the existence of what
A Press Tour Nobody Asked For but Everyone Will Remember BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER June 12th, 2025 Los Angeles and Orange County, CA – In a diplomatic move that rattled local coffee shops and confused
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER March 18th, 2025 The Republic of Slowjamastan – In what experts are calling “the greatest migration in modern history,” massive caravans of Americans are heading toward the border of The Glorious
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER March 4th, 2025 The Republic of Slowjamastan – In a bold move to protect his nation’s dignity, The Sultan of Slowjamastan has announced a 6,000,000% tariff on all imports of Crocs,
Young Scholar Denied A+ for Recognizing the Greatest Nation on Earth—The Sultan Intervenes BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER February 26, 2025 Puebla, México – The Sultan, Supreme Leader and Benevolent Overlord of Slowjamastan, receives thousands of
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER February 17, 2025 Phoenix, AZ – A new global superpower has entered the tourism arena. The Republic of Slowjamastan made its world-famous debut at the equally world-famous Travel and Adventure Show
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER February 12, 2025 Imperial County, CA – In a shocking display of cartographic audacity, maps now reflect the Salton Sea as the “Sultan” Sea, honoring the Supreme Leader of Slowjamastan.
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 25rd, 2025 Los Angeles – If a front-row seat at the NATO Summit didn’t convince the world that Slowjamastan is a geopolitical powerhouse, fear not—we’re doubling down. This year, our
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 25th, 2025 Dublândia – Slowjamastan’s charismatic and unapologetically bold leader, The Sultan , has sent shockwaves across the geopolitical landscape with a declaration: he’s “thinking very strongly” about annexing Yuma,
BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 23rd, 2025 Dublândia – After four grueling days of intense labor, sweat, and what we can only assume was a lot of Monster Energy drinks, the Republic of Slowjamastan is proud to announce
BY THE SULTAN l SUPREME LEADER January 12th, 2025 My Word is Bond I promised I’d keep you updated on the awful burglary and vandalism that happened to us in December, so I’m here with an update. I
Slowjamastan Establishes “December 14th Commission” – A Nation Demands Answers BY HARVEY SCHMIDLAP l STAFF WRITER January 11th, 2025 Dublândia : – In a move of historic significance, His Excellency, The Sultan of Slowjamastan, has formed the