BY ALEXANDER BOFILL l STAFF WRITER
AUGUST 23, 2021
SAN DIEGO, CA – There was much fanfare and celebration this afternoon and the people of Slowjamastan rejoiced as The Sultan unveiled the nation’s flag, sharing the design with the public for the first time, on television and social media.
“This is a special day for the nation of Slowjamastan,” said The Sultan Randy Williams. “Our proud nation now officially has a flag we can fly high over The Republic of Slowjamastan. We may also allow the flag to be printed on koozies.”
The flag was designed by Chilean artist Alexander Antonio Perez Mata who is world renowned for his work on award winning projects, including the menu graphics for Uruguay‘s version of Applebee’s and the long-running Chilean comic-strip “Pepe El Bromista” (a Chilean take on Dennis the Menace).
The Sultan Randy Williams said, “We combed every corner of the earth to find an artist worthy of creating the flag for our great nation. There was no doubt in my mind who was right for the job. When that person didn’t return our calls and emails, we reached out to Alexander. He did not disappoint.
Mata said, “Some guy who called himself the Sultan said he’d pay Venmo me 80 bucks to design a flag, so I was like, okay.”
Dissecting the Flag:
The new flag’s main color is teal, combining the calming properties of blue with the renewal qualities of green. It is a revitalizing and rejuvenating color that also represents open communication and clarity of thought. For Tibetan monks, teal is symbolic of the infinity of the sea and sky, while it is the color of truth and faith for Egyptians. For Slowjamastanians, it is simply the color that the Sultan looks best in. It really brings out his piercing eyes.
On the bottom on the flag are two waves that represent the endless sand dunes of Slowjamastan. In the middle, sits The Republic’s official national animal, the racoon. He is holding an axe, as a warning to our enemies that he will cut you. F**k around and find out.
The nation’s motto, “Freedom, Honor, Respect” is written in Latin under the racoon.
The racoon is surrounded by a blazing sun because it’s f***ing hot in Slowjamastan.