BY DIRK CUNNINGHAM  l  STAFF WRITER
NOVEMBER 11, 2021

 

 

Dublândia, Republic of Slowjamastan: Drills be drillin’, hammers be hammerin’ and saws be sawin’. That was the scene earlier today in The Republic of Slowjamastan as ground was officially broken. The world’s newest nation was caught up in a flurry of activity today as construction on the country began.

 

 

Two signs were installed on the border of Slowjamastan and The United States of America. The office of the Sultan was placed at the capital and administrative seat of Dublandia. And the very first new citizen of Slowjamastan was sworn in.

 

 

Former American Mark Corona of Phoenix, Arizona was naturalized by the Sultan himself, taking an oath to uphold the laws and regulations of Slowjamastan, which includes a promise to never wear Crocs, to never unnecessarily reply-all to an all-staff email, and absolutely, under any circumstance, place your feet on the dashboard of a vehicle. What, were you raised in a barn? 

 

 

Stay tuned for more on this developing story.

Photo gallery:

 

6 thoughts on ““That’s One Big Ass Sign,” Say Residents as Ground Breaking Commences

  1. I hope to soon count myself amongst their number!

    As an archaeologist by trade and an anthropologist by training, I have been compiling an ethnography on a group who may pose a threat to the borders of this dear nation.

  2. Parker Rothman says:

    I would be humbled to be amongst your numbers as a Slowjamastan Citizen.
    I would adhere to all laws & feel honored to be a newly sworn in citizen.
    Please advise me of my next step. Meanwhile I shall begin a 7 day fast to cleanse myself of all impurities that may or may not be acceptable in your country.
    Warm Regards,

    Parker Rothman

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